Friday, January 25, 2008

skip bayless (idiot), rick majerus (hero), the super bowl xlii (incredibly captivating yet exceptionally disappointing)

(Joshua Masayoshi Huff)

The following are all quotes collected from Skip Bayless over the last two days on "First and Ten" (which is a dismal show simply because he is on it. however, espn is the channel my tv is permanently on--unless, of course, "the simpsons" is on)

Bayless "The NBA MVP should go to the best player on the best team, so, since the Suns are first in the West right now, I say give it to Steve Nash. I don't know him personally or know his politics or care for his politics... and I don't care what color he is"

First off, the MVP should never be about the best player on the best team. It should ALWAYS be about the most valuable player to his or her own team. I don't even think Steve Nash is the Suns' most valuable player this season. It's idiots like Bayless who prevent Kobe from winning the MVP. Kobe was the sole reason that his team made the play-offs last year, yet absolute idiots like Bayless can't see that. By his own logic, Tim Duncan should be the NBA's MVP. WRONG.

And, I mean, he just defended himself for absolutely nothing. Nobody said you knew him or cared about his politics. But to say "it doesn't matter what color he is"? ...uhhh...really. You're really going there after all the tension over race and Catholicism as of late?


"Terrell Owens just isn't a premier wide receiver. He should not be the focal point of any offense because he just isn't that good. Four catches in a play-off game?"

What about Randy Moss, ass? How many catches did he have this weekend? Two? Six? Give me a break. Are you not going to build your offense around Moss either? Look, these guys are winners. There is not another wide receiver more talented than these two in the league (outside of Chad Johnson).

Bayless said "Having these guys is just not good business. They're cancers in the locker room."

That's cancerous? "That's my teammate...that's my quarterback. And if you guys do that, man, it's unfair. We lost as a team". I don't think I've seen defense of any teammate that was that poignant or heartfelt ever. I would not hesitate to sign Terrell Owens as the cornerstone of my offense. Yes, he's 34. I'd give him a two-year deal in a heartbeat.

Wait, it gets better.

"Wes Welker should have been a first-team Pro Bowl pick. Terrell Owens should not have been"

First of all, they don't even play in the same conference, so this entire argument is null. Secondly, I was going to write the other day how much I love Wes Welker (because I really do..he's scrappy and a gamer). But, come on--would anyone on the planet say that Welker is a better football player than Owens?

No. Not even my non-football watching sister. Because if you have access to the internet or a television or to other people in general, you would kind of just know that Owens is a better football player than Welker.

"This is not fantasy football here. The touchdowns get overrated".

Yeah. Because the best way to score in football is overrated.


Bayless: "The Cavs are the best team in the east. their supporting cast went 27-for-34 last night (two nights ago). They have the best player and the best supporting players in the East"


Does Bayless hear the stuff he says? The barometer, for me, if you really believe in your picks is if you're willing to go to Vegas to bet on them (I can now do this legally, mind you). Would Bayless go to Vegas and put money on the Cavs beating the Celtics in a seven-game series? If he would, I have a bridge in New York that I'd like to sell him.

And, even though he lives in New York, I'm sure he'd be dumb enough to buy it.


And before I get on to the Super Bowl, I want to talk about Rick Majerus. He hasn't had the best month, has he? First, his Billikens somehow managed to not only lose to the Karl Hobbs coached GWU (how anyone can lose to a Karl Hobbs coached team is beyond me), but they managed to score only 20 points in the loss (and the funnier thing is that GW could only manage 49 points. GW is said to like to run and not play in half-court sets, and yet against a DISMAL team that could only manage TWENTY points, GW failed to break 50 points).

Then, at a Democratic Convention, Majerus came out as being "pro-choice". The city of St. Louis' archbishop lambasted Majerus for doing so and called for St. Louis University, a Catholic institution, to punish Majerus.

The archbishop essentially wants Majerus punished for exercising his right as an American to not only have an opinion that diverges from faith but also for expressing it. Majerus describes himself as a Catholic, an I'm sure the archbishop feels that every last pope is rolling over in his grave over the notion that a Catholic has a thought that is different from the Church's official party line. Some may say Majerus is a representative of the university, but that DOES NOT mean that he has to become a Catholic rhetoric spewing automatron. Fine university's are supposed to foster free speech and academic discussion and discourse--and I am pleased that St. Louis University has yet to (at least publicly) denounce Majerus for having an opinion of his own.

And, a non-sequitur: Once, while Majerus was still the coach of the University of Utah basketball team, my family and I were going to California and Majerus was leaving Hawaii. He booked a full row of seats for himself (in coach, mind you) and laid out. Even though they were still a huge WAC foe at the time, I got his autograph and took his picture.

Now, on to the Super Bowl.

Like bsto, I also hate those pink Red Sox hats.

But, I can't stand peyton. I read GQ every month (for the articles), and I've become somewhat of a Tom Brady fan boy. This may portray me as a "looks over personality" guy--which would be an absolute lie. Tom Brady is more handsome. Fact. But we have NO IDEA how funny the guy is--he's never been given a chance. We can, though, compare him to Peyton Manning based on looks--because we all know what these guys look like.


No contest.

OK, fine. You want to talk about it in a purely football sense? I'm not going to lie, I love the New England patriots' spread offense--it's pretty much Hawaii's run-and-shoot modified for the pros.

But, I just don't know if I want them to go undefeated. I could care less about the Giants--they play in my beloved Redskins' NFC East, but they're just too boring to even root against. And, the fact of the matter is that the Patriots DID cheat--they did something that was against the rules. By the very definition of cheating, they're in the wrong.

What would my ideal Super Bowl have entailed? The Packers vs. the Patriots. A showdown between Big City Boston and Small Town America. And, as Big City as I am, I wanted Brett Favre to just light up the Patriots and be named the MVP. But, Favre, being the absolute BA that he is, would have already left the stadium and would not haven hoisted up the Super Bowl trophy--no, he would have already been in his pickup, on the way back to Mississippi. It's not because I want average, small town America to win; no, it's because I want Boston to lose.

I'm sick of Boston being so good at everything. Like bsto said--the Revs were in the MLS final. The Red Sox seem to win every other year now. The Bruins aren't as bad as they were in recent years...and the Celtics are going to win the NBA Championship this year (probably).

And, as much as I love Pburg, I really can't stand most of his brethren at GW--the kids who love the Sox (and show this by wearing pink Red Sox caps) and are now wearing Patriots gear. Yes, you're supposed to love your hometown team--but man, there were so many kids from the Northeast that I just got sick. I felt like I went to UMass or Tufts most of the time.

In short, I've never been to Boston, but I actually kinda sorta hate it. This isn't really a unique phenomenon at the Collective--bsto has never been to New York City, but I don't think anyone on the planet despises it more than he.

What do I want to happen in the Super Bowl? Well, I want both teams to lose, but this isn't possible*. I also want the Packers to win, but this isn't possible either. Really, I guess I just don't care. That isn't to say that I'm not going to watch (it is going to be a captivating affair) and that isn't to say that I don't already know the outcome (Patriots 24-21 Giants). I'm not even that blase about the game--I'm just really nonplussed about either outcome.

I just hope it doesn't go to overtime. The NFL play-off system is so laughably bad that I can't help but feel terrible for both teams involved. Even if the Yankees somehow found themselves in overtime in the NFL (somehow, again), I would actually feel a tiny pang in my heart for them...maybe even for Manchester United (I'm not losing my edge--overtime in the NFL is just that bad).

And bsto, you should be ashamed for even considering to speak fondly of Peyton Manning. In case you forgot, he led he Colts to victory against your Bears last year in the Super Bowl.


*-If this were international soccer/football, of course, a tie would be completely possible AND plausible. If this were just a game during a regular season and it just so happened hat both of these teams were vying for the top spot and they ended up drawing, IMAGINE the controversy that would arise: the Patriots would win the title based on point differential. IMAGINE how long it would take Skip Bayless to figure out point differential, and then IMAGINE how how ridiculous the remarks he would have to make about the entire process would be.

And, of course, if it were the final of a tournament in the international soccer system and the teams were tied, they could have a shoot-out. IMAGINE a field goal shoot-out. How amazing would that be?

Why am I not the commissioner of the NFL?