moving units.

(Joshua Masayoshi Huff)

Last week, I heard that Karl Rove was Newsweek’s newest columnist, and I cannot say that I’m anything but appalled. I’m not disgusted because of my political leanings and my particular distaste of the current administration—it’s because Karl Rove is an outright criminal. He should be in jail…and yet, here he is, with a column in one of America’s premier (albeit very watered-down) news periodicals.

I picked up Newsweek while waiting for my plane at LAX—I wanted to see what Karl Rove had to say. Fine, Newsweek got what it wanted—another paper sold—but they should stand for something other than the paper chase.

Rove’s piece was on how to beat Hillary in the presidential race. Timely, relevant--fair enough. His key points (taken verbatim from his article)?

• Say in authentic terms what you believe.

• Tackle issues families care about and Republicans too often shy away from—like health care, the cost of college and social mobility.

• Go after people who aren’t traditional Republicans.

• Be strong on Iraq.

I’m sorry, but NONE of this is groundbreaking—the man is getting paid to write this? It’s basic politics, especially point four, which essentially means “get more votes!” Obviously, Karl, the way someone wins is by getting more votes than their competitor. Thanks for the refresher!

The fact is that anyone who takes a class on American political culture or a political course in general (or, who basically understands democracy) would have been able to write this column. I think it’s degrading to Newsweek’s readers that the company printed this stuff—as if the reader didn’t already know this? Newsweek’s readers aren’t stupid, and yet, this Rove article makes it seem like Newsweek thinks they are.

This man was the brilliant secret of the Republicans? And the Democrats lost to him?

Congratulations, Newsweek—your newest columnist writes the equivalent of every university’s junior poli sci majors. Great investment! I have a couple of friends who need jobs, and it doesn’t seem like a degree is required—you have a firm offer ready?

(is Karl pulling the wool over our eyes? Is he a follower of the Jay-Z idea that "he would spit it/if y'all could get it"? Maybe he's keeping his best secrets in his arsenal, just in case he gets the call to help out the next GOP hopeful...nah, I doubt it)