Friday Video Premiere

*Every* Friday, we're highlighting a specific video (or two, or three) for your end of week enjoyment.

This week's video involves the newly crowned Fifa world player of the year, to whom Nike made this viral ad/homage:



Cristiano Ronaldo (who should be called "Cronaldo" in order to separate him and the best Ronaldo at the time of his emergence) may have won the world's best player award last week. But he sure as balls didn't win any more fans. A quick recap:

Here's why you may love Ronaldo:

• He's the best dribbler in the world; when a move of his comes off right, it seems to defy the physical limitations of earth. He can do ridiculous freestyle tricks, and has uncanny control:

• He has a unique form of striking the ball from free kicks; when he kicks it right, the ball swerves in a manner that seems to defy the physical limitations of earth.
• He cries. A lot. That shows passion, that shows commitment.
• He has scored some important goals in big games.
• He's good looking, and has a Portuguese accent.

But there's a reason why Nike's above video is meaningful, and I'm not talking about some cheesy cliche like "Your hate makes me unstoppable." The reason why Nike created something good here is that Cronaldo is one of the easiest players in sports to hate.

Here's why you should hate Cronaldo:

• He dives enough to ruin the game for the average American viewer. The number one complaint of American viewers towards soccer these days is no longer "Wahhhh wahhhh, there aren't enough goals, soccer is boring." Now it's, "those guys are such wimps, why do they fake injury and fouls?" Cronaldo is the premier diver in soccer. If you hate diving, you don't like Cronaldo.
• Worse than just diving, he's a drama queen. He stays on the ground flopping around like a fish out of water and it's really embarrassing just to watch.
• He has a tendency to lash out at opposing players, commiting gross fouls that could cause serious injury.
  
• He plays for Manchester United.

I know. It doesn't add up. And honestly, I don't HATE the man. But I don't like him. It's hard to hate anybody who can do the things he does with a soccer ball; he's literally invented a new set of moves for younguns to replicate. But his diving is terrible and hurts the game I love.

So now you know, if I'm in that Nike commercial, I'm pulling down the black screen.

Here's a good compilation:

football odds and ends

(Joshua Masayoshi Huff)

...and we've got it from both sides of the Atlantic.

First up--Mayor Ravenstahl of Pittsburgh decided to get rid of the "Raven" in his last name because his hometown Steelers are playing the Ravens in the AFC Championship game this weekend.

His proposed new name? Steelerstahl. Interestingly enough, Stahl means "steel" in German.


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The Guardian has also taken interest in what the new Philadelphia MLS team will call themselves. I'm glad that they also hate the name "Real Salt Lake" (because we all know there is an abundance of royal families in Utah), but in true Guardian fashion, they haven't got a real solution.

And, the same paper also reports that ESPN is expected to bid for the rights to televise the English Premier League. It is unclear if these rights would be for ESPNs British operations or if they would extend to the States and the Pacific Rim, but this would all be moot if ESPN bought out Setanta, as has been frequently bandied around as of late.

With ESPN carrying Euro 2008 this summer as well as the World Cup (in partnership with parent network ABC) as well as some European Qualification matches for the 2010 World Cup, you've got to think that the company aims to make regular football...errmm, soccer....coverage more regular. Yes, the company has the Champions League, but that competition has such an erratic and irregular schedule that it would only behoove ESPN to nail down a weekly list of games. I mean, what else is the company showing on Saturday and Sunday mornings. Bowling? Women's Trick Shot Billiards?

ESPN is losing out on a key audience by not having regular soccer programming. But, perhaps buying Setanta and keeping that station's soccer rights on Setanta makes the most economic sense. ESPN will not realize a greater profit simply by showing soccer games, so why not acquire a pay network and put it under your umbrella? That way, the expanded coverage more than pays for itself.

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Cheers. Happy Thursday.

five in the morning.

(Joshua Masayoshi Huff)

The hook to this song was stuck in my mind for days...knowing no words to it other than "five in the morning..." meant it was going to be a tough task to find the song.

Enter google. Yeah. That would have worked, except I had no other lyrics. Finally, a more astute fan of trashy r&b figured out that i was missing the word "it's" before "five in the morning" and found the song in seconds. Special thanks to Jessica Nakashima for making my dream of finding this song come true and for also making me look like a Google n00b.

Anyway, I had no idea that the song I was looking for was so...raunchy? Ridiculous?


You be the judge:



This song is either horribly brilliant or incredibly terrible. It's either incredibly post-modern, satirical and sarcastic or it is speaking about the fans of the band.

I really can't tell. I mean, it's a song about phone intercourse. Is it serious? Is it not serious? It's so hard to tell if rappers are ever satirical (I mean, is this NSFW song by Riskay satirical or honest? Does it matter?).

If this song is a social statement on online hook-ups, it's astoundingly brilliant. I mean, the song admits that he "made a mess in his pants". And, it's hard to tell if the woman who supposedly comes to his house in the Range thirty minutes after saying she would come over really ever went to his abode or if he imagined the entire thing through their phone session.

And, even if it isn't satirical--well, I mean here is a group of men who are willing to state that they don't take home girls from the club. No, no--they go home from the bar and call up the "hotline".

Either way, I guess this song just floors me. It's either cryptically venomous or brutally honest and open.

(And how is this entire group called Pretty Ricky? Are they all named Ricky?)

Kanye West Primer for my Pops

Paranoid feat. Mr. Hudson - Kanye West

Here's the track list of a Kanye West primer I made my dad. I left out a lot of the hit singles because they're (a) overplayed and (b) not 'ye's best stuff, just his most head-bangable. I also stuck strictly to songs from his albums; I left out remixes or guest tracks he's appeared on.

Tell me what you think.

So:

Good Morning (intro)
Hey Mama
It All Falls Down
Street Lights
Homecoming (ft. Chris Martin)
Love Lockdown
Spaceship
Heard 'em Say
Drive Slow
Coldest Winter
We Major
Heartless
Paranoid (ft. Mr. Hudson)
Roses
Everything I Am
Robocop
Family Business

school daze.

(Joshua Masayoshi Huff)

Very rarely is a remix better than the original song.

Here is an example.

MGMT "Electric Feel"



(This is not the original video, as I could not find an embeddable version of that one...but, here's a link to it)

It's actually pretty hard to top this song--it's got great synths, a funky bassline, and quasi-Bee Gee's-esque vocal stylings. The lyrics are top notch, and the song is just so damn catchy.

But, we found a remix better than the original version



Granted, almost anything Justice does turns to gold, but they made one of the best songs of 2008 even better.

Justice add their trademark, punchy synths--devoid of everything but buzzsaw low ends-- as well as their now infamous sped up vocal trick (a la vintage Kanye West--jeez, did I really just call some of Kanye West's stuff vintage?).

You can't help but love the cheesy, '70s Moog Voyager type sounds over the beat at the bridge (these remind me so much of the early '80s learning programs they teacher in first grade would always put on in class..the series she liked most was the one about scarcity...which I interpreted as "scare city"--either way, we should avoid both things, shouldn't we?)

There you have it. An example of two great songs where the remix ekes out the original as the better version.

Have you got any examples?

The Mix For Downloadin

Portishead--"Only You" (sweet live version)

Some JJ readers have been bothering me about getting those songs from the mix for my sister I posted a few days ago. A perfect chance for procrastination during finals week!!

Here's a link to the mix. Download the compressed folder to your desktop or somewhere you'll remember, then unzip it, and bam.

A Mix for my Sister

(Track 7)

Yo.

Here's a mix I made for my sister. She's into Tribe Called Quest-type hip hop and more than a little weary of the current state of the game. This is a flowy, sort of quiet, beat-ridden mix for her. Obviously not all the songs are Tribe-type hip hop--but most are influenced by it. The mix sort of starts with 21st century iterations of that kind of hip hop, then goes uptempo a second before devolving into more thoughtful, melodic songs. I mean, all mixes should feature the preferred music of the recipient, but should also push the envelope. Always push that envelope.

I like this mix--just heard it through while folding laundry, watching the freezing rain fall.

Tell me what you think.

1. Let Your Hair Down--Kidz in the Hall
2. Wait A Minute (just a touch)--Estelle
3. Step Into My Office Baby--Bell & Sebastian
4. Weekend Wars--MGMT
5. Since I Left You--The Avalanches
6. Tramp--Blueprint
7. A Supreme Love--DJ Cam (above)
   
8. Elders: clouds--DJ Uproot
9. Heaven--John Legend
10. Orange Pineapple Juice--Common
11. Something About Us--Daft Punk
12. Ethnic Majority--Nightmares on Wax
13. Storm Returns--Prefuse 73
14. Only You--Portishead
15. Pillow Talk--Quiet Village
    
16. Street Lights--Kanye West