Thursday, June 14, 2007

the Spurs are good, but discredit anyone who says that they aren't boring.

Before tonight’s NBA Finals game tips off, I just want to say something about the series: the Spurs are incredibly boring.
On my way home from work, I always listen to “The Sports Animals”, who don’t really know anything about sports (I’m not being sarcastic). These guys called Anderson Varejao “veeeery-jo”, “vaRAYhao” and “varehoaaaa”. One of them knows absolutely nothing about sports, and the other makes him feel bad about it.

Anyway, these guys were talking about how the Spurs are not “boring.” The less sports-wise one said that Tim Duncan’s bank shots were “beautiful” and that they were “like a surgeon carefully cutting open his patient”, and the other guy said that “only true basketball fans understand the Spurs. Others will say they’re boring.” Then, they talked about Lebron James and how he made the Finals not boring.

In the last 7 games, Lebron has had one great game, and everyone wants to crown him. He’s disappeared.

But really, the Spurs may be excellent at what they do, but they are boring. The argument that these guys make is that they aren’t boring because they’re blowing out the Cavs.

The Cavs suck. Our terrible intramurals team could beat them. The opposite of “boring” is “exciting”, and if the Spurs are not “boring”, they have to be exciting. These guys are missing the point. Fine, they’re great at what they do, but so are Chelsea and Manchester United. They get results. By no means are these teams “not boring” or “exciting.”

I’m not going to argue and say that excitement is more important than results, but these guys are just not thinking logically when they say that the Spurs are enjoyable because they win.

There is nothing exciting about bank shots. There is nothing surgeon like about them, either. They’re about as “precise” as cutting someone open with a hammer: sure, the job gets done, but it’s painful to watch--why submit yourself to it if you don’t have to?

“Surgeon-like precision” is Kobe Bryant cutting through the lane for a quick flush, or Ben Gordon shooting the lights out from behind the arc, hitting nothing but net, or Steve Nash or Jason Kidd threading the needle, or even Tony Parker on one of his patented quick drives. It’s not bank shots, though.

Then, they said that people wouldn’t appreciate a no-hitter or perfect game because nobody was getting on base. WRONG. The catches that fielders would have to make to prevent hits would be amazing, and there would be electricity in the air from feeling the landmark that the pitcher was about to achieve. A perfect game is the pinnacle of baseball--a bank shot is not.

This series was over before it started. The week lay-off before it started killed any buzz, and having the Spurs killed anything beyond that. Having the Cavs is terrible--even the Lakers are a better one-star, no-talent team.

The Spurs are winners, sure. They’re not exciting, and if they’re not exciting, they’re boring. Don’t give me this garbage about them not being boring because they play “fundamental basketball.” Fundamentals are fun to watch? Go watch a basketball ball-handling clinic, then. They’ll have all the drop-step, bounce passes and shuffle drills that aren’t featured prominently. The reason that the NBA is worth watching is because these guys are so athletic--so unnatural--that they make “fundamentals” absolutely worthless.

I’ll say this: the Spurs are an amazing team. They gel, they get the game, but there honestly is nothing more boring to watch than this series on television. Nothing. The Cavs have stunk, and the Spurs are always a bore.

And if you can’t admit that, then you’re the one that “doesn’t understand basketball.” The game has evolved, and the dunk, flash and sparkle is part of the repetoire. Anyone that says the Spurs are not boring is not a basketball fan--because they are clueless about the spark that Michael Jordan brought and have obviously never seen the Showtime Lakers.

Stop pretending you’re a basketball purist by saying that you’re enjoying this series and that the Spurs are “not boring.” You’re the same people that would pretend to watch soccer by saying that you love watching a Bolton v Blackburn match because these teams “can really kick the ball hard up the field” and that it’s more important to watch these teams than Arsenal because “soccer isn’t about flair.” Newsflash: IT IS (Pele, Maradona, Ronaldinho, blah blah blah), and so is basketball.

Flair and flash and dazzle are NBA fundamentals, and the Spurs are lacking in this department. Fine, they win games, but they ARE BORING and are NOT CAPTIVATING TO WATCH. Accept it, shut your mouth, smile and move on.